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Is it really so hard to use proper grammar and punctuation? Come on.

Pass. I know you and that's good enough. But if she tries to stab you to death or bludgeon you to death, I want your last thoughts to be, "wow, Benji was right."

Is this a pie day? Should I get a pie too? We can eat the whole thing and hate the world.

Let's be real. If that happens, my last thought is probably not going to make any sense.

Tea AND pie? ... Is this a distraction? Like, not an Art's-an-Asshole-What's-New distraction.

Yeah. Probably. "Aah, this tea tastes ni- argh knife!"

What would I be distracting from? That doesn't sound like me at all.

Where is Dodge during this hypothetical murder mystery?

It sounds exactly like you.

That's the mystery part. When I write your biography I'll title it "Where is Dodge?"

Can't I just want pie?

Somehow, I don't like the mystery revolving around my dog.

Did you do something? What did you do?

We don't always get to pick how our murder mysteries go.

Why do you just assume I did something? I didn't do anything.

Yeah, but I feel like I should get a say in this one.

Ben Jamin.

Nope. Sorry. I don't make the rules. Maybe she locked him in a room while she murdered you.

I'm serious. I just want pie. Can't a guy just want pie every now and then?

You know, I thought she was kind of weird, but you're definitely getting up there. Like almost the same level of weirdness.

I guess. Don't bring apple. Or do, if you want more pie for yourself.